Then and Now!

My, but how things have changed.....

The U.S. Recession

The recession has hit everybody really hard...

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of Pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally....

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck. 

Why I'm Divorced!

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well  waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say - 

'Happy Birthday!',  

and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you, 

but the kids.... they will remember.

My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick said.

 'Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. 
I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door 
  and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, 
  and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch,
  just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing
  I've heard all day. Let's go!' 

  We went to lunch.
  But we didn't go where we normally would go.
  He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
  We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. 

  On the way back to the office,
  Rick said, 'You know,  It's such a beautiful day... 
  We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?' 

  I responded, 'I guess not.    What do you have in mind?'

He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.' 
 
After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said,
  If you don't mind,  I'm going to step into the bedroom 
  for just a moment.   I'll be right back.

'Ok.' I nervously replied. 

  He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, 
  he came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... 
  Followed by my husband my kids, and dozens of my friends 
  and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
  
  And I just sat there.... 

  On the couch.... 

  Naked.

Bin Laden Jokes

Elton John is to write a tribute song following Bin Laden's death."Sandals in the Bin"

Bin Laden dead, and in other Breaking News, Chuck Norris returns home from holiday in Pakistan...

Apparently Bin Laden had a $25 million tag on his head. What kind of ridiculous, designer turban was he wearing?

Saddam Hussain. ☑
Osama Bin Laden ☑
Julius Malema. ☐

Just proves you can take the bin out on a public holiday ...

Bin Laden's final words ... "I need a house full of Navy Seals like I need a hole in the head".

Bin Laden dead - Best player at Hide & Seek 2001-2011

GUY AT THE BAR SAYS: I’LL HAVE A BIN LADEN, PLEASE.

BARTENDER SAYS: WHAT’S THAT?

GUY REPLIES: 2 SHOTS AND A SPLASH OF WATER!


Bin Laden's final words .... "Who's there?"

Obama confirms Osama Bin Laden is Dead

Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was killed in a U.S.-led operation involving helicopters and ground forces in Pakistan on Sunday, ending a nearly 10-year worldwide hunt for the mastermind of the September 11 attacks. In America thousands have flocked to Ground Zero in New York to celebrate and express their relief at his death.

U.S. officials said bin Laden was found in a million-dollar compound in the upscale town of Abbottabad, 60 km (35 miles) north of the Pakistani capital Islamabad. A source familiar with the operation said bin Laden was shot in the head.

"Justice has been done," President Barack Obama declared in a hastily called, late-night White House speech announcing the death of the elusive head of the militant Islamic group behind a series of deadly bombings across the world.

Leaders worldwide praised the killing as a dramatic success in the war against al Qaeda, although many analysts cautioned it was too soon to say bin Laden's death would mark a turning point in the battle against a highly fractured network of militants.

Jubilant, flag-waving celebrations erupted in Washington and New York after Obama's announcement. It was the biggest national security victory for the president since he took office in early 2009 and could give him a political boost as he seeks re-election in 2012.

Obama may now also find it easier to wind down the nearly decade-old war in Afghanistan, begun after the September 11, 2001, attacks on New York and Washington that killed nearly 3,000.

But the operation could complicate relations with Pakistan, already frayed over U.S. drone strikes in the west of the country and the jailing of a CIA contractor accused of killing two Pakistani men.

A U.S. official said Pakistani authorities were told the details of the raid after it had taken place.

The revelation bin Laden was living in style in a mansion will also put Pakistani officials under pressure to explain how he could have been right under their noses. Residents in Abbottabad said a Pakistani military training academy is near the compound.

"For some time there will be a lot of tension between Washington and Islamabad because bin Laden seems to have been living here close to Islamabad," said Imtiaz Gul, a Pakistani security analyst.

U.S. officials said American forces were led to the fortress-like three-story building in Abbottabad after more than four years tracking one of bin Laden's most trusted couriers, whom U.S. officials said was identified by men captured after the September 11, 2001 attacks.

Detainees also identified this man as one of the few al Qaeda couriers trusted by bin Laden. They indicated he might be living with or protected by bin Laden," a senior administration official said in a briefing for reporters in Washington.

Bin Laden was finally found after authorities discovered in August 2010 that the courier lived with his brother and their families in an unusual and extremely high-security building in Pakistan, officials said.

"When we saw the compound where the brothers lived, we were shocked by what we saw: an extraordinarily unique compound," a senior administration official said.

"The bottom line of our collection and our analysis was that we had high confidence that the compound harbored a high-value terrorist target. The experts who worked this issue for years assessed that there was a strong probability that the terrorist who was hiding there was Osama bin Laden," another administration official said.

Bin Laden and three adult men, including a son of bin Laden, were killed along with a woman who was used as a shield by a male combatant, officials said.

The New York Times said bin Laden's body was taken to Afghanistan and then buried at sea.